Robert Rodriguez creates yet another B movie. He is a very talented director with a lot of pull to bring in star actors but he continually wastes his time on making cheesy B movie type films. Machete was his latest creation. It is a movie starring Danny Trejo as Machete who is an ex-federale bent on revenge against the people that spurn him. He is revered by most of the border crossing population and feared by the criminals of society. The only person who doesn't fear him is his arch rival (Steven Seagal) who kills Machete's wife and sends his life spiraling down. Machete kills numerous people with nothing other than a machete and as a usual Rodriguez film there is a ton of gore. I have one suggestion to anyone who wants to see this movie: Go into it knowing it is bad and look at it like a comedy. If you do this you will actually enjoy the movie. I laughed a lot throughout the movie especially at lines like "Machete don't text" and then later when he is seen texting and reminded that "Machete don't text" he responds, "Machete improvise". And yes those are exact quotes from the lips of Machete. This movie has a good cast as most Rodriguez films do with Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Robert De Niro, Cheech Marin, and Lindsay Lohan (who does strip for Machete). So it was a fun movie to watch but I would have to give it 5 Ninja Stars out of 10.
Please Robert Rodriguez, stop making cheesy movies and make Sin City 2!
-Diomedes
DVD Review-Second Opinion
Machete is a movie that was made to be funny, and made to be a B movie. As long as a person goes into Machete not taking themselves or the film too serious, they can have some real fun. Films like Machete, Planet Terror, and Death Proof all make the job of a movie reviewer very difficult. How do you rate a terrible movie that knows its terrible? And if its a ton of fun being terrible, does that make it good? There aren't really answers to those questions, but they are worth noting. Machete was one of the fake trailers in the Grindhouse double feature, and the first to get its own movie (Eli Roth is also making a full length Thanksgiving). The crazy amount of big names in this film is a tribute to Danny Trejo and how many other actors and actresses he has been second fiddle to throughout a long Hollywood career. Machete gets the bad guys, and gets the women, and he does lots of both throughout the film. Steven Seagal and Lost alum Jeff Fahey are both in great B movie mode and play their roles perfectly. Lindsey Lohan is ridiculous and naked for most of her scenes, and the fact that she was cut out of the trailer for the film completely pretty much encompasses how big her impact is in the film. With Machete's other main lady, Jessica Alba, its hard to tell where her camp acting begins and her real acting ends, as she is exactly the same person in every movie, including this one. Machete is a lot of fun, and takes its status as a really terrible movie as a badge of honor. While I can't say to ignore my star rating below, of all the movies out there, I can say that star ratings really don't apply to Machete. Rating: 4 Ninja Stars of 10.
-Maximus
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